The Beginning of a NEW YEAR 2024!

 Well with a New year comes new things.  Remember I am the woman who never makes New Year resolutions that never seem to be fulfilled!  

Well 2024 is bringing a new phase for In the Studio!  We are taking ir all to Podcasting on Spotify.  Mr B will have his own podcast - music, worship & many other subjects.  I will post a player on this blog so you can hear podcasts or join me on the new podcast called YOU are In the Studio with Mrs. B.  Same structure advocating for seniors, cancer survivors, the disabled and some fun things too.  

Too many people are unaware of lymphedema which since a heavy protocol battling my Large B Cell Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma cured me but left me with my lymphatic system destroyed.  And way too often the medical system just does not know how to deal with us and no idea where we should go.  

And, then there is the lighter side of Mr B & me - what we call Pillow Talk- bantering with fun & sometimes our favorite impersonations - ie do a wicked Julia Child!  AND Phyliss Diller (yes I am a frustrated stand-up comedy woman!  

So Merry Christmas & the most happiest of New Years!  

You are in the Studio with Mrs. B

December 21, 2023

Always something ie the other shoe falls . . .

 Remember that little bump in the road . . . the one that took me into Uncharted Territory - the C word!!  in 2005 very early 2005 I ended up with very serious back surgery.  Started with sciatica which is symptom of larger issues especially with back/spine.  And yup that was it.  Had a micro surgeon who performed the long surgery.  Fused L4 & L5 for starters.  Then tried to open my spinal column with "cadaver" tissue to hopefully make the spinal column bigger as my spinal cord was being "choked".  The fusing (ie nuts & bolts) worked but widening the spinal column did not.  And altho my upper part of my spine had some issues they chose not to touch that area at all.

Post surgery they discovered other issues.  My rotator cuff on both arms needed to be repaired.  And, carpal tunnel on both wrists needed to be done.  Left hand was done first under only local amnestic - trust me not at all pleasant and I watched it all.  Right rotator cuff was the worse - that was the next surgery.  I told my two doctors please combine these surgeries so that I am under and do not have to go thru this again.  Hey it does not hurt to ask!  And the rotator cuff was done first and then Dr. Bone rushed in just in time to do the right hand carpal tunnel release.

And, was very please.  I felt finally I could walk and was in less pain then I had ever been.  The 2015 the dreaded C word.  A very strong protocol along with with shots of Neupogen to get my white cells active and not circle the drain.  I had to have it before I could have chemo treatments every three weeks.  That went on six months.  Now I find out what Neupogen did to me with lymphedema and now it just keeps giving - my nerves have also now been affected by Neupogen.  Where does it end? 

I am 80 years old.  I have done all the right things to be healthy.  I take ONLY 1 drug prescription for diabetes - border line but never blood sugars that are very high out of norms.  One med!  How many people can say that at 80 years old.  

I am angry!  I wanted the what ifs when I had my final chemo.  And was told to go out a live life!  And, little by little Neupogen has taken away so many things!  Ask the QUESTIONS - we deserve answers.  

You are in the Studio with Mrs B

Let's talk about therapists . . .

 At 80 years old - yes that is right 80 - in my lifetime I have gone to therapist to sort out my feelings and a few who used my hour to discuss their lives and feelings!  Hey wait a minute - I am paying YOU to let me talk!  Seriously yes that happened and I stopped going and reported thru the appropriate channels what was going on.  No idea the result but I hope my complaint gave them pause at least!

And, then life thru me a curve ball and had several surgeries where I ended up having to use other types of therapist . . . the kind that help you walk again after back surgery, knee surgery, sciatica pain.  After chemo where the drugs were so strong that they destroyed my lymphatic system.  

Lymphatic drainage massage therapist are a blessing.  When I immigrated to Canada in 2016 I walked down the ramp in Edmonton and about two years later my mobility was very limited and with that the start of my journey into another uncharted territory that I was never invited to - just dragged into because of the strong protocol to allow me to live from cancer - to survive.  

My first therapist was a fantastic woman in the small town we lived in.  Made great progress and then - COVID hit.  For two years I was not able to continue the treatments.  Then in 2021 we moved to Calgary - still in the throes of COVID and a medical system that was thrown a huge curve - not enough doctors, nurses, aids, emergency rooms fill beyond capacity.  Doctors and clinics not taking new patients, etc, etc, etc.

I finally after a year and a half found a wellness clinic near us.  No they were not taking medical patients (new doctors were being sought).  BUT they had a physical therapist who happened to be skilled as a lymphatic drainage therapist.  The first session was 1 1/2 hrs long.  I knew after that session I had found my therapist.  We connected on several levels - all the important levels.

I have had almost 2 months of sessions with her and today we had a breakthrough.  It's a long process and each sessions starting at the toes and getting the lymphatic systems to "move" start to "push" the fluid to drain - getting it to move - to drain the way it is supposed to drain instead of just sitting in your legs and swelling them to unbelievable size & pain - compromising my mobility.  

Some days Mr B. has to lift my legs onto the bed or the sofa so I can lay down.  I am hoping upon hope this progress is only the beginning.  And, maybe just maybe I will not need my motorized chair as much.  I can hope can't I . . . I remember the little 4 or 5 year old redhead who played beneath the cottonwood tree in our yard dressing up with my Aunt Marian's scarves & jewelry pretending I was a gypsy with bangles dancing under the tree. . . no I can never be that little girl but just maybe I can walk a bit more normal . . . perhaps . . . maybe .  . .

Your in the Sudio with Mrs B

_/|\_  namaste

and the Wake Up nudge . . .

 2023 started with bumps . . . slap upside the head . . . and the wake up nudge (that's what I call it).  Nudges are very good.  Make you stop and think.  Makes you angry too.  When I worked for a food distributer back in Minneapolis decades ago I learned about shelf dates, pull dates etc.  I coined the phrase in my life that I had a shelf date - well we all do I just put my own twist to it.  Yes we all have shelf life.  Sometimes it's defined by what our health is or isn't.  The shelf life!  We don't give it much thought when we are very young.  We don't give it any thought when we are becoming adults.  And,  then life happens!  marriage or relationships, child birth, health events, crisis of life, loss of people we know - family.  

AND, then we find we have a "pull date".  The older we get we realize that "pull date" is closer then we thought.  And, there are little things to remind us . . . like a TIA - a wake up call!  A nudge . . .a nudge to remind us that time is limited.  Time to finish projects.  Write more.  See more.  Love more.  Forgive more.  Be more open.  Share.  Be more creative.  Share knowledge.  

NEVER put off what you do this day . . . tomorrow is never promised . . .

and my all time favorite statement by "anonymous" 

I am NOT afraid of tomorrow 

                     for I have SEEN yesterday 

                                 AND I LOVE TODAY

you are In the Studio 

OH! NO! Another NEW NORMAL!

 NOT another one!  Lawdy, . . I am so tired of having ALL these New Normals!  I had the misfortunate . . . let me go back to the new year 2023 and the circumstances around THIS new normal.  On January 6th (no connection at all to THE January 6th that shall live in infamy with the world regarding the storming the House in Washington DC.  No this was when my beloved Predator computer crashed!  Oh the dreaded black screen and simply nothing . . . Best Buy is our friend.  And that next Saturday January 7th we shopped desk top computers.  AND the day that I had my TIA was January 8th.  That is the day mid walking down the stairs to our living room I felt my face change and the sensation that my jaw had dislocated from the my face and tried to call out to Mr B . . . but only a garbled sound immerged non coherently.  Still grasping the railing I managed to sink into the sofa.  I KNEW.  I KNEW vaguely what was happening.  Somewhere in the depths of my brain which felt like mush at that moment.. . . trying to find my words . . . . O M G 

I just had an T I A!  They call them mini strokes.  I  . . could not find the words to utter.  So I sat there until Mr B was at my side.  Was this going to be my last ability to think but be caged within a body that could no longer express my thoughts?

A Cautionary Tale . . .

Now I need to tell about a cautionary tale!  Well it started as a normal day for us.  I am disabled.  I have lymphedema and use a cane with the 4 pronged foot to walk in the house or clutch walls to navigate our house.  My lymphedema has progressive worsened and I need to get back to my massages and add acupunture & my routine with hot tub.  Now with that explained.  Mr B went off to work.  I laid down on the sofa and fell asleep but woke very chilled and shaking.  Me decides I need to go upstairs and crawl into bed to get warm.  That was an excellent idea.

I wnet up and crawled under the down comforter and fell asleep.  Then it all went very very wrong.  I am only 4'11" tall.  We have a high bed that I simply cannot get into easily esp being mobility challenged.  My husband bought two stools with 2 heavy panks between them to create a safe way to get up and down.  OK.  Got the whole picture?  

So doing what I do all the time is to stand on the panks and use the closet to balance and then step off onto the floor.  Same process for well over a year.  Not a problem.  HOWEVER, this time the plank slipped and all of a sudden I was on my amble toush sitting on the plank!  EGADS this was not how it was supposed to go.  Now as long as I am upright I have no problem navigating by walls or using my cane.  BUT, this was an abrupt jar to my body.  

I sit there.  Getting sore and realizing I cannot sit here much longer.  7p hmmmm so I decided to get myself on the floor.  Ouch!  tried to slip to the floor as easy as I could.  OMG ouch.  My legs do not cooperate with my body.  

Now I shall regress back about 4 years ago or more when we lived in Barrhead.  Walking down the stairs from upstairs (this is before my lymphedema was really bad) my shoe caught on the second stair and my hand slipped from the railing and down I went head first!  I should add I do have a fused back and had nuts & bolts plus "cages" to expand my spine.  Once I sort of assessed my condition I got myself over to the landing and near the stairs to the living room.  And there I sat waiting for Mr B to come home.   I did not break anything other then a bruised ego.  

So back to Wednesday night.  This was NOT the way I wanted to spend my day.  No way.  So down on the floor.  I was getting cold.  Pulled down the comforter plus the two throws we have on the bed.  I was able to fall asleep.  Then realized I needed to try to move myself into a better position.  And maybe . . . maybe get myself upright.  ha ha

I hear my cell phone right.  sigh that meant Mr B was on his way home.  OK now to calm him.  15 minutes later the door opens. I calmy say Don please come upstairs immediately AND do not be alarmed when you see me.  I am ok.  Footnote:  I had taken off my slacks downstairs so yes I was cold and the comforter did help me warm up.

He walked into the bedroom and saw me on the floor.  

One thing I am very aware of is that I do not panic.  Let me repeat I DO NO PANIC.  I fell after my back surgery but I fell the right way - on all 4s.  Nothing was jarred.  

I always keep a cool head and stay calm.  NO MATTER what.  

Told him the story of what happened.  AND then we tried him pulling me on the comfortor,  NOPE sso got me close to the door and then the plan - the perfect plan to get me upright!  I pulled myself well wiggled my way on my stomach using my shifting of the dead parts of my lower body and kept wiggling to the stair case.  Sat on the top 2nd level - put my feet/legs on the second step down and raised myself using the railing!  I was standing.  AND  at 1:20a I was amble once more!

A skinned right elbow  . . . tired . . . exhauseted . . . sore body . . . etc etc etc

I have been thru earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, blizzards, extreme heat and I have always maintained my calm.  I AM a survior or as I prefer to say - one ol' tough broad! 

Always have a plan - the what if's!  Always have your cell phone with you and handy.  

is this where I sing I am woman hear me roar . . .?

It could have worked out very differently.  But a lesson learned.  And I have to acknowledge the history that made me as I am . . . being able to think calmly and have a plan.

As for the planks that slipped.  NON-skid contract paper.  NO more slipping.

You are in the Studio with Mrs B

8-26-22

AND, time does NOT stand still - it moves on. . . .

 Here we  are - February 2022.  I let time slip by.  Oh not deliberately well maybe.  Moving from NW Alberta to SW Alberta (Calgary) was traumatic.  Very planned but also not planned to be during the height of the pandemic and then throw in the fact I was very sick and could not pack nor focus on the move.  It feels like a distant dream - oh no - more like a nightmare.

I never did look back as our friend Dora drove us to the hotel in Edmonton next to the Red Arrow bus terminal.  The next day we boarded and were on our way to a new city and a new home.  Stayed in an Air BnB for close to 4 weeks.  And, finally found our new home.

AND here it is March 16th so time did slip by again.  

I am grapling with life or the lack of understanding why things happen with no rhyme or reason - no respect for life. . . what happened to humanity. . . we are still moving thru Covid and all the variants that have continued to threaten us . . . and now war?  O M G stop this madness!  We are no better then primative people - we have NOT learned.  What will it take?  

Put ourselves to better use - concentrate on SAVING life not destroying yet.  Put the anger to curing all types of diseases.  CANCER for one.  Concentrate on what is MOST important - helping others - let no person - no child go hungry.  Make sure all people have running clean water!  Prevent further global warming.  Put the hate and destruction to better use - constructive use.  WORK together for one goal that every person in this world is safe and healthy!  

in the words of a very well known musician . . .

give peace a chance

You are In the Studio with Mrs B

peace

January 2021 to now May 2021

 In the moment . . . time passes slowly now.  More then it ever has in my 78 years.   And yet . . . it feels like a blink of the eye.  Especially since the world has fallen into chaos and dispair.  October of 2019 we were in Lowertown of St Paul, Minnesota.  Visiting my daughter and grandkids and my friends in Lower Town.  We had an amazing 3 weeks.  Connecting with the art community there.  Renewed my drivers license, established my USA residence once again in St Paul and sat down with the social security office - everything legal and necessary.  And, then back safely in Alberta and a few months later . . . well the world knows what happened.  The pandemic.  I write the word in lower case.  It has already taken more from the world then it should have.  So lower case to make it less frightening.  

As if I can reduce it to an insignificant word.  And then came that fateful day when the world heard the words that rang so clearly from Minneapolis . . . and the world will never be the same again.

I can't breathe . . . 

We shopped at the Target store across from the convenience store where George Floyd died. . . 

Living with a compromised immune system can be difficult.  And then 6 years later to realize the protocol that kept me alive to battle cancer, now was taking away my mobility.  "Don't cry for me Argentina . . ."  I am alive.

My first covid vaccination was done early May.  Now I wait for the next in 4 months.  Will there be boosters to cover the variants?  Everything is unknown.  

I feel I lost my country of my birth.  

more to come . . .

You are In the Studio with Mrs B

_/|\_ namaste

\

On this Day . . . .

Today of all day's I received a new art kit from Etsy. I have embraced the beauty of wabi-sabi - the embracement of imperfection. Today with the kit I purchased (Kintsugi) I also embrace this . . . let me share this quote "Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Every break is unique and instead of repairing an item like new, the 400-year-old technique actually highlights the "scars" as a part of the design. Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves teaches us an important lesson: Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we actually create something more unique, beautiful and resilient." and believing that nothing in this world is random . . . to me on this day receiving this kit . . . well I'll let you ponder the significance. . .

TODAY despite the last several weeks and the last four years . . . democracy has prevailed and survived an insurrection of unbelievable magnitude.  The Universe gives each of us a nudge . . . a confirmation that gives us that ah ha moment.

TODAY was an ah ha moment and somehow I do not think I was the only that received that message.  Perhaps it came to you differently.  Perhaps you were prepared for today. . . . or maybe not.  But the universe nudge me in a very profound way.  

Years ago I embraced the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi - quote ""Originally, the Japanese words wabi and sabi had quite different meanings. Sabi originally meant 'chill', 'lean' or 'withered'. ... "Wabi-sabi is a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It is a beauty of things modest and humble. It is a beauty of things unconventional. ..."

I have painted a few things that for me represented the concept.  And then I discovered Kintsugi quote:  "Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Every break is unique and instead of repairing an item like new, the 400-year-old technique actually highlights the "scars" as a part of the design. Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves teaches us an important lesson: Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we actually create something more unique, beautiful and resilient."

_/|\_ namaste

Nothing hear me NOTHING is random!  

You are In the Studio with Mrs B

There comes a time . . .

 Yes, there comes a time when age, race, and other minor differences no longer matter.  At least there should be.  With all the discord in this world . . . I shall never understand why people are the way they are.  We all bleed the same color of blood.  We all love. . . we all are a child, a person, a son/daughter, a love of someone dear, a parent, a grandparent (if we live that long).  

It just no longer makes sense.  

You are In the Studio with Mrs B

On this day . . .

 there is so very much to be thankful for . . . the outcome of the USA election probably is on top.  No I do not live in the USA any longer BUT I am still a citizen and will always be a citizen even when I seek dual citizenship here in Canada.  The fear of losing my home country was so traumatic for me.  It will still be years of healing but it's a start.

I am thankful for my husband (as frustrating as he can sometimes be), thankful I am still here, for my daughter and my grandchildren.  

I am thankful for everything that has come my way to make me a better person and give me the strength to see more clearly. . . feel more deeply . . . and appreciate what I do have.  

You are In the Studio with Mrs. B