Dolce Far Niente - the sweetness of doing nothing...

When I first read the book "Eat, Pray, Love" that phrase resonated deeply. Then I saw the movie and was again deeply impacted by dolce far niente.  I know as an American it's hard just to be....to enjoy the moments when there is silence....learning how to truly relax.  To enjoy being in the moment....the now.

For me, this new year is significant.  I never make new year's resolutions.  Why you ask?  Rarely do we keep them.  Intentions are good and we do make them thinking that we will keep them.  But the reality is we simply don't.  About fifteen years ago I decided to give myself a new year's gift....something that would make a difference in my life or make me happy.  Some years it was a new hairdo - other years something to replace something worn or handed down.  Even some year's it was very serious....sigh...like a repair on my back.  LOL  yes one year it was a fused spine L4 & L5.  That did give me happiness.  A long recovery of 18 months.  Unfortunately, it also gave me the present of "retirement".

The Universe does know what is best for us....especially when we are stubborn and don't heed the signs.  Dolce far niente....the sweetness of doing nothing.  In those interim years between retirement and the now....I forgot how to enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing.  Finding myself in the middle of my battle for living....I got caught up in the cycle ..... the treadmill - ie hamster wheel where you go around and around and around.  STOP STOP STOP......dolce far niente....

Immigrating to Canada was not easy.  Marriage, adjusting, immigrating process, doctor appointments.... the endless apprehension.  Was cancer coming back?  Would I become a permanent resident of Canada.  Could I breathe again.  Could I stop worrying.  All questions that compounded my greatest fear.  I found the love of my life - the man I so deeply love.  Would that be taken away from me now.  Now that I have so much to live for.

With all the last 4 years I no long remembered the sweetness of doing nothing.

2019 here is my gift to myself...I made three appointments. The eye doctor.  The dentist.  The doctor.  Sort of like the baker, the fireman, the candlestick maker.  LOL  The appointments are all in place.  Great accomplishment since I seemed to fear the worse.  One of the fears was put in motion with the last appointment I had at the Cross Cancer Institute.  Communication is so important.  And, unfortunately, my doctor there was not really clear.  And we came out with the feeling that he was telling me I was in congestive heart failure.

What now?  Lawdy.  Unfortunately the doctor in our town had destroyed all the records I had given him to copy from my USA oncologist.  To be honest I felt betrayed.  The doctor was told to copy and return them to me.  It was a year of my most personal of times in my life.  I wanted them to review.  I needed to read them.  A confirmation of life.  That was torn away from me.  Stupid how that affected me.  It was like "oh trivial....just paper"  wrong!  It was mine to destroy not someone else.

We knew the Cross Clinic doctor had sent them back to our doctor here.  Six months later I finally reviewed the records we got from the clinic here as I am finding a new physician that I can trust.  Communication is so important as I said....reading the Cross Clinic doctor's assessment was clear.  Something he had not stressed or made sure we understood.  Because of taking the neupogen and having more post-chemo issues with that....other post-chemo issues can arise with heart and other organs.  Monitor and listen to one's body.  Communication - CLEAR communication.

Last year I was not ready to deal with any of this.  This year whether I was ready or not . . . well it had to be dealt with - not knowing is worse so many times then knowing.

And now I can re-learn the sweetness of doing nothing.

Dolce far niente..... perhaps the perfect time to revisit Eat, Pray, Love....book and movie.

_/|\_ namaste

You're in the Studio with Mrs. B

Happy 2019!!!

I remember arriving on May 17, 2016 and here it is January 11th 2019.  I am now a permanent resident of Canada!  Oh, Canada!  Instead of having no country to call my own, I now have two countries I call MY own. 

When this journey started, it was the most arduous I embarked on and at the time had no idea just how complicated it was going to be.  Altho I have not crossed the border to the US as of yet, we will be going in 2019. 

I look back on the last 5 years and it is a blur.  The chemo.  Meeting Mr B for the first time in Plattsburgh, NY when I was not allowed to cross the border into Canada and spend time in Montreal with my future husband.  Oh THE most horrid time in my life...well almost.  But with faith and perseverance and hiring the right immigration lawyers - we made the journey.  The Universe always has a plan.  smiles May not always be the way "we" think it should be but it's a plan and the end result was what we wanted.

Going back to Minnesota.  Getting things in order there.  Realizing that the easiest way for us to start this journey was Red Lodge, Montana.  Our marriage...casual...not stuff...not formal.  Having two dear friends officiate - Nancy & Linda.  Having my friends there....friends that would also become Mr. B's friends too. Funny how things happen....the journey of a gypsy who found, despite obstacles and detours, what home really....what a deep love really is.....

The Universe likes to keep us in suspense at times.  And, here it is 2019.  I am safely with Mr B.  My rock.  My home.  My love.  Home is not a place.  Home is where your heart is.  Home is the rock.  Home will always be where Mr B is. 

The journey continues...twists and turns...never dull.