Dolce Far Niente - the sweetness of doing nothing...

When I first read the book "Eat, Pray, Love" that phrase resonated deeply. Then I saw the movie and was again deeply impacted by dolce far niente.  I know as an American it's hard just to be....to enjoy the moments when there is silence....learning how to truly relax.  To enjoy being in the moment....the now.

For me, this new year is significant.  I never make new year's resolutions.  Why you ask?  Rarely do we keep them.  Intentions are good and we do make them thinking that we will keep them.  But the reality is we simply don't.  About fifteen years ago I decided to give myself a new year's gift....something that would make a difference in my life or make me happy.  Some years it was a new hairdo - other years something to replace something worn or handed down.  Even some year's it was very serious....sigh...like a repair on my back.  LOL  yes one year it was a fused spine L4 & L5.  That did give me happiness.  A long recovery of 18 months.  Unfortunately, it also gave me the present of "retirement".

The Universe does know what is best for us....especially when we are stubborn and don't heed the signs.  Dolce far niente....the sweetness of doing nothing.  In those interim years between retirement and the now....I forgot how to enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing.  Finding myself in the middle of my battle for living....I got caught up in the cycle ..... the treadmill - ie hamster wheel where you go around and around and around.  STOP STOP STOP......dolce far niente....

Immigrating to Canada was not easy.  Marriage, adjusting, immigrating process, doctor appointments.... the endless apprehension.  Was cancer coming back?  Would I become a permanent resident of Canada.  Could I breathe again.  Could I stop worrying.  All questions that compounded my greatest fear.  I found the love of my life - the man I so deeply love.  Would that be taken away from me now.  Now that I have so much to live for.

With all the last 4 years I no long remembered the sweetness of doing nothing.

2019 here is my gift to myself...I made three appointments. The eye doctor.  The dentist.  The doctor.  Sort of like the baker, the fireman, the candlestick maker.  LOL  The appointments are all in place.  Great accomplishment since I seemed to fear the worse.  One of the fears was put in motion with the last appointment I had at the Cross Cancer Institute.  Communication is so important.  And, unfortunately, my doctor there was not really clear.  And we came out with the feeling that he was telling me I was in congestive heart failure.

What now?  Lawdy.  Unfortunately the doctor in our town had destroyed all the records I had given him to copy from my USA oncologist.  To be honest I felt betrayed.  The doctor was told to copy and return them to me.  It was a year of my most personal of times in my life.  I wanted them to review.  I needed to read them.  A confirmation of life.  That was torn away from me.  Stupid how that affected me.  It was like "oh trivial....just paper"  wrong!  It was mine to destroy not someone else.

We knew the Cross Clinic doctor had sent them back to our doctor here.  Six months later I finally reviewed the records we got from the clinic here as I am finding a new physician that I can trust.  Communication is so important as I said....reading the Cross Clinic doctor's assessment was clear.  Something he had not stressed or made sure we understood.  Because of taking the neupogen and having more post-chemo issues with that....other post-chemo issues can arise with heart and other organs.  Monitor and listen to one's body.  Communication - CLEAR communication.

Last year I was not ready to deal with any of this.  This year whether I was ready or not . . . well it had to be dealt with - not knowing is worse so many times then knowing.

And now I can re-learn the sweetness of doing nothing.

Dolce far niente..... perhaps the perfect time to revisit Eat, Pray, Love....book and movie.

_/|\_ namaste

You're in the Studio with Mrs. B