Here is what I have come to know and to understand . . .

I am five years beyond my last chemo.  The new normal.  And now the new new normal living under the "roof" of a pandemic.  There has been enough of a time lapse in the "new" normal.  With living in lockdown of the pandemic here is what I have come to know.  To understand more then I ever did.  It is like whiplash.  Flashbacks.  Different than people who have been in combat certainly.  But it is like a post chemo flashback - never ending.  All encompassing.  Living - never knowing when the panic attacks will encompass you.  When reliving those moments will happen. And, many times what happened in that period of time does affect everything there after.  My very first chemo I had a bad reaction.  Unfortunately, someone did not read my complete chart.  I have two allergie:  sulfa and antihistamines!  My first set of intravenous liquids was an ANTIHISTAMINE!  PANIC!  I had blotches on my face.  Hard to breathe.  TRY to remain calm.  Rang for someone immediately.  I knew I was in trouble.  

Yes they got it in time.  But the morale is - mistakes can and do happen.  That one never happened again.  A simple aspirin from then on was given before the first set of intravenous "bags" each and every time.  I AWAYS tell everyone of my two medical allergies.  It IS MY life at stake.  

Recently I had oral surgery.  This was at our local new dentist who had 20 plus years of dental surgery.  Our little town had good progress.  Before he came NO ONE could do oral surgery here.  However, altho he had nitrous oxide training - he could not use that as the clinic was not certified to do it.  OK - I am a tough cookie BUT I have my limits.  When it comes to teeth. . . I have been thru so much agony since I was a kid and my parents could not afford to have the dentists even give me what would numb my gums.  OUCH!  

I was not sure of going thru this BUT I had to.  This was one step necessary for the doctors to even consider me for my left knee replacement.  I had no choice.  So my family doctor prescribed a medication to ease my anxiety.  The dentist assure me that I would not  repeat NOT feel anything during the removal.  Post chemo my lower teeth fell, chipped out leaving stubs and lots of infections.  Everything had to be removed.  So I did it.  

Half of the lowers one week and the next the rest.  He was right - not even the injections of the numbing "stuff" did I feel.  The next week altho I was still apprehensive - it went fairly smoothly, but he did have to inject more numbing agent.  It was over now.  The healing is going smoothly and NEVER NEVER NEVER will I have to deal with dental issues again.

So this IS what I know.  There is always another "new" normal.  AND, I have come thru it all.  I have "sturdy" stock or perhaps it is just that finally I've learned that I AM stronger then whatever is thrown at me AND I will NOT put up with crap of any kind.  

That is what I have come to know and to understand.

You are in the Studio with Mrs. B